Sad Truths

Right now I'm confronted with the sad truth that I have lost my autonomy and freedom in the last few weeks of my grad degree.

This week I have my final comprehensive exam. Tomorrow (or, rather, today,in eight hours) is my choral comp, and I'm convinced it will be death. I mean, it already has. Tuesday I had to lead a silent rehearsal in Hitt Street which, contrary to popular belief, was incredibly hard and time consuming to prepare and turned out abominably. Tomorrow is the written/aural comp, and I have to turn in a take-home essay. Mine was about the development of the oratorio. From Dr. Crabb's mouth:

"Trace the path of the development of the oratorio, from Caccini to Penderecki. Include contributions of the major composers and representative works. Provide any connecting threads that might be applicable."

It seems simple enough. But then you realize the oratorio spans early Baroque to...now. And since the oratorio mimics development of music, Dr. Crabb basically asked me "Please trace the development of music.  Give examples."

So I just got back from the library and have a fairly decent representation of my intellect. The listening test tomorrow, however, will not do me justice...

So I've had all this work to do, and I'm in the middle of deciding where to go to school...a life decision...and in the middle of running a choir...and maintaining an active performing career...and working a job in the music office. And... to be frank, the job in the office just hasn't been my priority in this list. So I haven't been doing it very well or efficiently. Last week Dr. Freund got on my case, so I spent a couple of days catching up. But this week I've had zero time to sit in the office and do administrative work.  So... I haven't. And now I'm in trouble. Part of me thinks I deserve it, but most of me (the rational Lindsey) knows I SHOULDN'T be sitting in the office right now, because my life and my needs are more important. So, today was spent responding to disappointed/angry emails from Dr. Freund, and trying to figure out how to emotionally deal with the reality that I'm unable to do my job. And I'm upset and frustrated...

But my priority right now is to get a little bit of sleep, then wake up at six and learn all that I can about choral conducting and rep, then take a test at ten, and then try to survive until Friday afternoon...

The home stretch.

And just to let you know, this blog was NOT posted at 11:30 pm, like Blogger wants you to think.  It was posted at 1:50 am.