For the first time in a looooong time I was with someone on Valentine's Day. Not just anyone--a REALLY special person. And as I've neglected to tell Blogger, we're moving in together this summer! As in we're getting our own place. It's very exciting.
Being with someone so wonderful makes me feel lucky that I didn't end up with anyone else, especially all those creepsters and crazies I was always trying to hook-up with the past five years. I don't date very much, but I most certainly have pursued some f'd up guys. I'm not naming names, but I remember spending about six months of my life casually dating a guy who bailed on me so much that we really only went on 4 real dates in that half-year span. He was nice--always walked me to my car after opera rehearsal and kissed me on the cheek...but come ON. How could I have wasted so much time on that? Dozens of teary evenings, being stood up again and again--a new excuse each time. Lost phone. Grandma in hospital. Grandma had stroke. Grandma lost phone. Lost phone while visiting Grandma in hospital...
And then there was the guy that Dominic teases likes to sleep with she-males (which is probably true). I mean, I pursued that hot mess for an entire semester. And he was a douche!! He seriously shushes my collegiate choir when we talk too much in rehearsal. Yes, he shushes. Constantly. And wears pleated pants.
It's not like when I was pursuing these guys I didn't recognize these undesirable traits. Trust me, I NOTICED she-male's shushing. And in my heart of hearts I knew it was annoying, but I just kept convincing myself that it was something I could put up with.
But really, in a successful relationship, you don't have to compromise THAT much. If the guy shushes, by all means (unless you like that stuff) don't settle! What is wrong with us--women, adults, humans in general--that we ignore the unforgivably terrible traits of our potential mates. I mean, we ignore this stuff for months, or even years. And then when we break up or stop pursuing or whatever, our friends always ask "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??" And really, what WERE we thinking? Why could my friends see he slept with she-males well before I could, and more importantly, why weren't they telling me?
And this brought about two serious questions: 1) At what point do you tell your friends that their boyfriends/crushes are douches? and 2) How can you be sure, when you think someone is really good, that they really ARE a catch?
I'm going to be honest here. I usually don't approve of the people my friends date (luckily, however, most of my friends are currently dating good people that meet my stamp-of-approval and they are all very happy). I most certainly don't tell them I don't approve. I learned that the hard way when I tried to interfere too much in BFF Mark's relationships. To be honest, I think the reason I don't let my friends know their dates are spazzes is because I really WANT them to be able to put up with those terrible traits. I really WANT my friends to be in a relationship, which often means settling for a while until the right one comes along. It's sad, but I encourage my friend to date shushing she-male-lovers. And when they break up (and they always do), I always ask what the HELL they saw in these freaks.
So if no one is speaking up about their friends' trashy dating choices, how do we know when we've found someone worth spending our time with? This is going to sound cliche, but you just KNOW. I just KNOW that Frank is amazing. And boy is it nice to know that he'll never stand me up on a date and never shush a group of his peers. I'm not settling. What a weird feeling, eh?