Tuesday, September 8, 2009

My favorite crazies, Part 1: Bus Crazies

As inspired by a recent blog post by Ed, I have decided to create my own list of my favorite crazies. As a preface, one of my favorite pasttimes is crazy-watching. I think this is a genetic trait inherrited from my mother, which was developed by Matt and Neil (bizarro-sightings), and then ultimately Mark. Mark and I would go to WalMart and Ryan's to watch the crazies in their natural habitats, most of the time as a way of feeling better about ourselves.

At Ed's request, I will eventually compile an MU music school crazies post... but that requires a bit of stealth as some of those crazies could possibly have access to this blog. So my first crazies posting concerns the crazies on public transportation here in Bloomington:

1) Creepy Guy Who Hits on Girls at the Bus Stop. For most of you familiar with public transportation, this guy is everywhere, in every bus stop in every town. MY Creepy Guy waits at my apartment bus stop, and has recently begun hitting on someone who appears to be a photography enthusiast. He began by commenting on her camera, with non-specific remarks that indicated he doesn't know anything about cameras. I think he threw in something about aperture, but who wouldn't? The next day he talked about photo-developing, again in non-specific terms. And after a week or so he made the bold move of sitting next to her on the bus. Here, it was apparent that they had absolutely NOTHING to talk about, and she was clearly uncomfortable with this closeness. So, he begins to talk about swine flu. Swine flu. He was using swine flu as a flirting mechanism. I haven't seen him on the bus since.

2) Asian Opera Star. Most people know that if you talk on the bus, people will hear you. If you're on a cell phone on the bus, people can and will listen to your conversation. And, if you SING on the bus... well, you know. There is this crazy Asian kid who sings Italian arias on the bus. He doesn't just hum them, he full-out PERFORMS them. And this is clearly something he thinks other people can't hear.

3) Tiny Woman. Tiny woman lives in my apartment complex. She is, quite literally, a tiny woman. I think because of her size she looses heat quickly, so she's usually bundled up in a puffy coat regardless of the season. An interesting (yet unimportant) thing to know about Tiny Woman, is that she is married to Giant Man. At my bus stop at my apartment, a line starts forming about ten minutes before the bus comes. And, as lines often imply, people go to the back of the line when they get to the stop. Tiny Woman believes she is exempt from this rule. No one's going to stand up to her because, well, she's tiny, which is intimidating. So tiny woman marches up to the front of the line and waits there. EVERY TIME she's at the front of the line, Tiny Woman freaks out about something in her tiny head, yells "EEK!" and runs away like lightening. You can always tell the new-commers to the bus stop because they are noticeably perplexed about what is happening, but the veterans remain unphased. About 45 seconds after she runs off, Tiny Woman always comes back to the front of the line and waits, as if nothing ever happened.

4) Pacing Guy. I usually find Pacing Guy waiting for the 4:45 bus by the music school. Pacing Guy is always REALLY nervous about catching the bus. I mean, for the first few days of riding the bus, I was nervous as well. But Pacing Guy has been nervous for a long time. People waiting for the bus outside of the music school all line up alongside a waist-high stone wall. Some people read books, others talk on cell phones or listen to iPods. Pacing Guy paces. It doesn't matter if the bus isn't scheduled to come for five minutes, or if the bus is five minutes late. Still pacing. When the bus finally arrives, Pacing Guy rushes on the bus first and gets a seat about 1/3 back. Pacing Guy always gets off the bus at the corner of High and Hillside. It's the BIG drop-off point on High, at the light. And you can see it for miles away. But Pacing Guy is always really nervous that he's going to miss his stop, and as soon as we turn on to High, he's Eagle-eyes on the watch for his stop. Sometimes I feel like telling him that he can sit back and relax, and I'll pull the stop-cord for him. But I realized you've just got to let Pacing Guy do his own thing. He pulls the stop-cord at the first availible instance (about a block away), and then leaps to his feet to walk to the front of the bus. The bus is moving at this point, and he inevitably has a really hard time walking to the front--he's swaying all over, almost falling, grasping for the support rails along the cieling. When the bus finally stops at the corner, he RUNS off as fast as Tiny Woman. The weird thing is that once I saw him at a bus stop for another bus line, along Kinser Pike. And he wasn't pacing.

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