Love on the West Coast

So I'm Portland right now.  I flew in yesterday to spend the holidays with Mark, and I'll be here until January 9th.  It's the best thing ever.  It really is.  Mark works at Starbucks, and I went to work with him today, getting free drinks.  He's working the register and we keep looking at each other when dumb people get up to order.

I'm so glad to be here with him.  On the roster: Dawn Upshaw mania in Portland (she's singing here this week and we have tickets and hopefully an inside connection), more free drinks from coffee world, a recital for his friends next week, cooking galore, and much, MUCH frugality.  

I love my best friend :)

Lindsey Can't Speak Italian

I have my Italian final tomorrow.  Or I guess really today.

And my heat doesn't seem to be working.  But maybe it is.  I don't know anymore.

Luckily at 2 pm I will be done and then maybe I'll be able to REALLY assess why I'm getting another master's.

Amazingly Cute!

OMG this girl is adorable! (the guy too, but he's a little too young for my taste).  I want her headwear and blue tulle slip.

Chilly Things

It's chilly (well, it's COLD) and it's almost Thanksgiving Break!  I don't have any homework or anything to do today because it's the week of Thanksgiving.  It's silly that we don't get the whole week off because all of the teachers pretty much slack off this week because it's shortened, and a few teachers are canceling class...

So tonight I'm relaxing for the first time in a while.  It's been cold and rainy all day, so I decided to make a chilly, rainy day feast tonight.  I made apricot risotto (dried apricots, nutmeg, cinnamon, brown sugar, vegetable broth, and seasonings) and sweet and spicy chicken and bell peppers (with hot chilies, apricot preserves, and other thai seasonings).  I opened my bottle of Trader Joes Sparkling Pomegranate Juice and enjoyed the feast with "This American Life" in the background.

I could have called friends, because I'm sure they would have liked to partake in my fall feast... but I really just wanted to spend the time alone.  

"This American Life" really got to me.  The first story was about a woman who lived alone and died alone, and it followed the investigation of a social worker to try to find any living family members.  I'm tearing up a little as I write this... The social worker investigated the home of the deceased older woman and couldn't find any sign of companionship besides the two dogs in the backyard (they were supposedly the only things the old lady had).  She sifted through mail, documents, and so on, trying to find relatives.  She finally found a twenty-year-old Christmas card from someone who had to be a distant family member.  The social worker called the sender of the card, but they did not remember the old woman--eventually they came to the conclusion that she was a distant aunt of some sort.  The story then jumped to a mass funeral for deceased persons without friends or family.  The city cremates the bodies, and if no one collects the ashes for three years, they have a mass burial of all the ashes.  Of course, no one but employees attend the funerals, and the remains of thousands of people are all buried at once under a marker for the three-year time period.  It's a little eerie and unsettling.  The end of the story poses the question: do people live alone by choice, or by circumstance?  These lonely people being honored in a mass burial every three years don't have anyone to mourn their deaths... is mourning a privilage left only to those with people left behind to mourn them?

Something to think about.

Snow

OMG It's SNOWING!

This is shaping up to be the longest day of my life, and I'm typing a paper in a mad rush (it's due at 5...) but I had to take a break to record that it's the first snow of the season.

Steamy, Steamy

Usually as soon as it gets cold I get a little romantic.  Actually, I began dating my last two romantic interests during the late fall... specifically November... which is now.  It would be nice to date somebody this month.  I mean, to follow tradition and all.

Instead of dating, I've been huddling around my apartment baking cookies and making cranberry tea... none of which are activities that get me a date.  Well, I'd much rather be accumulating winter weight than slutting around a bar.  But maybe I should stop baking, and put my tea in a thermos and get my ass out of my hermit apartment this week.  It would be good for me all around.

Because we all know the best alternative to cuddling in a blanket by yourself is... steamy steamy love.

(I need to stop watching DVDs of Queer as Folk)

Cheers to Woody!

I think that Woody Allen is the most wildly romantic man I have ever seen. He's not particularly attractive or anything, but his observations about people and relationships are incredibly seductive.  Lots of people don't like Woody Allen because they think he's annoying.  Well, he's not the most pleasant of all people, but I think once you get past that you're able to see a wealth of beauty through his eyes.

I re-watched Stardust Memories tonight.  It's one of his artsy mid-period films that fits into this languid Annie Hall type dreaminess.  It's all about a man who constantly reminisces about his past relationships, especially one in particular--a beautiful, dark-haired mess named Dorrie.  Every time he thinks about her, he remembers little things, like a particular way she smiled at him one day... and now, in the present, he's with a put-together woman, who's not at all brooding, but he still thinks about Dorrie all the time.  The final scene is of him hallucinating his own death (sorry to give it away, like there was anything to give) and he thinks about a short moment with Dorrie, reading a magazine.  And he romanticizes it in such a way that it almost brings me to tears.  Woody Allen has this way of portraying normal situations as if every moment were the most beautiful and important moment in the world.  He makes me fall in love with him, and with people in general, because he shows that in all people there is enormous potential for these perfect, beautiful connections.

This is the clip I was referring to: the part that really gets me is around 2:28.

Woody Allen - Stardust Memories (1980)
Uploaded by sinziana2

I once told Neil that the sexiest moment I ever saw was from this movie, from a scene near the beginning, where Woody Allen is stroking the Dorrie character across her clavicle with his entire hand... you make fun, but you haven't seen it!

Things I Miss About Columbia

I had the total meltdown of the semester on Friday.  I feel completely incompetent as a singer and miss everything that gave me comfort when I lived in Columbia.  Here's a few things that I wish I had here in Bloomington:

-The old ladies in the First Baptist Church Choir (well, especially the not-so-old ones like Robbie, Colleen, and Norma)

-The ease in which I used to recycle.  I can't find any recycling bins here in Bloomington and have boxes and boxes of recyclables stacked in my kitchen.

-Rachel AuBuchon, who (not-surprisingly) is irreplaceable.

-U Singers comradary

-Living with Mark, for SO many reasons.  But specifically for his insistence that I do the dishes and keep my shit out of the living room.

-Reality tv.  Bloomington HAS reality tv, but I'm too poor to afford cable right now.

-Gauchos, and how I could get three martinis and a plate of gross food for only 6 dollars...and watching Craig get ridiculously drunk...

-Schubertiads, formal and informal.  

-Kyle Stegall and all the hillarity that ensued whenever we got together.

-The inevitability of running in to Dr. Budds (smoking) every time you set foot on campus.

-The comfort of knowing everyone in the music school...and the discomfort of knowing that almost everyone had seen my nipples at some point.

-The Legend of Neil's Uncircumcised Penis.

-The shopping.  The mall here makes me depressed.

-The gays.  And their innate knowledge that I was their queen.

-Dr. Crabb's ability to say terrible, terrible things when prospective students and their conservative mothers came to visit rehearsals.

-Whitney Reed and Neil Ostercamp, between whom I had so many inside jokes it wasn't even funny.

-Mark Woodward, and all the things we would do together whether it was watching Will and Grace with a plateful of terrible Chinese food, or stylistically interpreting Bach inventions, or annoying each other at all hours so it was impossible to do any work.

Zerfliesse...oh zerfliesse

OMG. They should never have let this young boy sing this. I can't even sing it. Sometimes I don't think I sound any better.

Hanging in there

Arg!  I had grand plans to get things done this weekend, but I decided to try not being a hermit, and miraculously...things didn't get done.  So I'm going to go back to being a hermit this week.

I went to Columbia on Wednesday night/Thursday.  It was a stressful trip, but I was reunited with Mark (which was better than I could ever describe in a blog).  Portland is lucky to have him, and I'm luckier to have him.  ...Since when did this blog become a love letter to Mark?...  I also met up with my other friends on Wednesday night.  So wonderful to see them, although slightly (VERY slightly) less euphoric as I will have the opportunity to see them more often.  

I had two midterms on Friday, plus a lesson.  It was not a good day for Lindsey/Batilda.  But my hair looked really good, and I guess that's all that matters.

Senator, Simon Cannot Serve in the Senate Because Simon is a Unicorn. I think you KNOW that.

Oh no they didn't!!!

Lindsey...

...needs Mark now.  Seriously.

Happy Birthday, J L!

Here's my favorite Lennon song.  It gets me every time.  

And...

How could I have updated my blog without mentioning my BFF?

I got very emotional yesterday because I realized that I have the best friend in the world and I'm very lucky that he's in my life. We watched Will and Grace over the phone yesterday, which was completely us...and made me very thankful.

Music Rant

I'm about 75 % better, and about 65% done with my antibiotics. I think that's pretty good. I've still been pretty stuffy this weekend, so I've been lounging around my apartment, eating Thai chili while drinking tea, and knitting like a fiend. I started a hat last night and I'm almost done, but I think it's given me arthritis. It's super cute, though, so it's worth my crippling hands.

I sang full voice today for the first time in about a week and a half. That's how long I've been out. I sound okay. The voice is really strong, but it's still fairly difficult/painful to keep the sound forward (thanks, sinus infection) and I get this annoying buzzy feeling in my sinuses whenever I sing. Oh well. It's nice to be back.

I spent a lot of the weekend listening to Romantic Opera. Miss Todd recommended Adriana Lecouvreur, and so I listened to Mirella Freni all weekend and dreamed of making sounds like that all on my own.  I've had a lot of realizations so far this semester in terms of my voice and I think I finally know what's going on and what I have to do. It's frustrating because I can't listen to old recordings of me anymore--things I once thought were great are now glaring with these vocal faults--but it's exciting because I finally know how to move forward. 

I just can't wait till all of this drainage stops wreaking havoc in my face and then I can work on all of this.

Oh, and I finally loaded the files from my last night in Columbia on the computer. I got my ZOOM recorder at the end of the summer and was playing with it at Rachel AuBuchon's before I left and recorded our impromptu music-making. It made me miss her because I remember we were drinking wine and attempting Strauss, and there's a moment in the recording where she pauses just a little longer than expected in Morgen, and it took my breath away. It was nice to hear.

Sick, getting better

So, I've been crazy sick the past week.  CRAZY sick.  As in apartment-is-littered-with-tissues-and-glasses-of-orange-juice sick.  Today it was getting ridiculous so I went to the doctor and got some meds.  Apparently I have a sinus infection.  Or will.  Or might...   I don't really know.  But I got drugs, and that's all that really matters to me right now.  Last week I was making a breakthrough in my singing and I haven't sung since last Tuesday... unless you call that growling during Pro Arte singing...  The one good thing about being sing as balls is that I could actually sing the low Ds and Cs for Josquin.

So, I reacquainted myself with Curb Your Enthusiasm during my death rest.  I also discovered Pushing Daisies, which is awesome.  And I downloaded Super Mario RPG for my wii, which is probably proof that there is a God. (Thanks for the game, God)

Cheap Wines Part I

So I don't claim to know anything about wine, but I know what I like and I LOVE what I like.  I love to drink Oregon Pinot Noir.  Unfortunately we can't all be like Mark and live in the Pacific Northwest where good pinots practically grow on trees...and that shit is EXPENSIVE here in rural Indiana. 

So I'm on the search for some good, cheap standbys while I'm here the next two years.  Not necessarily Pinots, just good stuff I can get in my weekly Kroger runs, or an occasional Trader Joe's run in the city.

Tonight I opened my Barefoot Cabernet Sauvignon.  I don't drink Cabs very often, and I know that Barefoot can be risky.  But who could resist that blackish-purple liquid schloshing around the bottle?

This Cab was surprisingly pretty good.  Good if you like jammy wine, and I do (cannot WAIT for a special occasion to imbibe my August Cellars Marchel Focht).  A rich berry flavor, kind of spicy, and surprisingly tangy. I was worried about the tannin overload, so I left mine open on the counter and swished the hell out of it before I tasted.  

Caveat: I made spicy Indian food but didn't really think through the whole wine-pairing thing before I planned my meal.  Bad combination.  Terrible combination.  Save this for something MUCH simpler/earthier.  Or just drink it alone while watching a shitty ripoff of Before Sunrise (2 Days in Paris, anyone?  "Coincidentally" a project by Julie Deply).  But Deply is cute, especially with her oversized black-rim glasses, so the Cab and I were content.

Updates

I bet you don't know me anymore.

-I am obsessed with Weeds.

-My lucky elephant earring broke.

-I've been listening to Messiaen and Purcell nonstop.

-I'm singing Josquin's Missa Pange Lingua October 12th.

-I have watched the Bro Rape video, like, 20 times in the past two weeks.

-I gave myself bangs on accident.

-It's 1:10 in the morning and I have an Italian exam in nine hours... I bet you know I haven't studied yet.

Late night, bad week, good music.

One of my favorite things: the last 70 seconds of Gotterdämerung.  I am having the world's worst adjustment period here at IU and that finale just brings me to tears every time.

I have an audition on Friday for a crappy Baroque opera that I probably won't make it into.  I've really got to get my stuff together and knock their socks off.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to be EMI's first early music major to be a Wagnerian sop.  A nice aspiration.

Never another theory class!

So, I passed my entrance exams! All of them! That might not seem like a big deal to those of you who coasted through the MU exams, but here at IU they take this shit seriously. The early music history exam was so hard that I was seriously spending my brain power trying to figure out the logistics of leaving IU before classes started next week.  And then... I passed! I feel AWESOME! Did I mention to say that I NEVER have to take a theory class AGAIN??? Yes.

So today I met with my voice teacher and we discussed my schedule for this year. I'm taking lessons, a gazillion master classes, choir, accelerated Italian (shit) and the motet (middle ages to 18th century). I'm so excited I could scream. Yes. I'm totally excited about the motet class. Who wouldn't be?

After I got through the entrance exam hell I realized that this is the right place for me. And it's going to be shit hard. I don't know how ready I am for that, but it feels good that I'm giving it a try. 

And, I have friends here. I really like them.

Take a peek...

Except for the piles of boxes of books in my study, I'm pretty much done with the moving process! My painting is done (unless I want to take another weekend to paint brown borders around my living room). Would you like to see?

Last night my new/old friend Eric and I explored Bloomington and I found my new Flatbranch. I dare say Upland Brewery is even better?  Am I going to hell for saying that?

Entrance exams are on Monday morning in Theory, then History on Tuesday morning.  I'm getting too old for this...

Painting Part I

I'm moved in!  I now live in Bloomington, Indiana...and it's weird. But surprisingly comfortable.

Since my parents left and I was officially "moved in" (Sunday afternoon), I've been locking myself in my apartment and doing random things to occupy my lonely self. My main activity? PAINTING!

Now, I don't know why I'm painting. This place was freshly painted when I moved in, and I have to prime all the walls I paint when I move back out. I guess I was turned off by the dirty cream walls, and ultimately I was in dire need of something to preoccupy myself while I adjusted to Bloomington ALONE. 

So I called Mark and we compiled a detailed plan of how I would transform my walls from drab to fab. We decided on a granny smith apple green for the kitchen, a light gold for the living room, and a complex chair-rail-esque multi colored job in my bedroom. We picked out the colors on SherwinWilliams.com and then I was off to my neighborhood Sherwin Williams!

The employees at my neighborhood Sherwin Williams were not what I expected, having been reared on the television commercials... Their jingle is "ask Sherwin Williams!" (or is it "AT Sherwin Williams? Oh well, the first proves my point) so I expected helpful sales associates to great me with color options when I walked through the door.  I walked through the door of my neighborhood Sherwin Williams to find... nobody there.  I paced around, called out, made noise, but alas no one came to my aid.  I awkwardly made my way to the color station to pick out the swatches of my color choices, hoping that my awkward presence there would send a bat-signal to their breakroom to come and get me.  But no one came.  People came into the store (when the door opens, there's an electric "bing!"), people left the store ("bing!") but no one came out to help me.  Finally, a middle-aged woman with a shitty Mia Farrow Rosemary's Baby haircut came out, blatantly looked at awkward me, and IGNORED me!  I hrumphed around for a few more minutes, still ignored, and then walked up to the counter to Rosemary's Baby Bitch Whore.  RBBW greeted me with a nonchalant something  and asked what she could do to help.  I gave her my list of colors and asked if I could get a quart of each.  She looked surprised, as if she was unaware that this was her job.  And then she said "I don't know if I can do that."  Now, I don't work at Sherwin Williams, but I think their entire business is based upon giving people the paint colors they want.  And they have a nifty computer that does it all for them.  So I don't know why she didn't think she could give me my paint.  She grabbed my list from me and shuffled around the back shelves, lined with base paint cans.  She looks at all the cans, hundreds of those cans, all the same, and says "Well, I guess we can do it."  Well, of COURSE you can do it, I thought.  She puts some of the base paint cans at the computer and puts in the proper color ratios to make my paint, and then hands them to some guy (no uniform) to put in a mixer.  That didn't seem too hard.  I don't know what the crisis was.  So I caught her in a moment of pause and said "And, I want a color green, the shade of a granny smith apple."  Again, she looks at me, surprised I'm asking her for help (the "Ask Sherwin Williams" jingle pops into my head as a plea), and says "I don't know what you want me to do."  There it was.  That simple sentence explained it all.  I replied "Well, I have this apple in my purse.  Can you match the color with your computer?"  An immediate "NOPE.  The computer doesn't read apples."  Immediately my mind flashes back to other Sherwin Williams commercials where little girls bring in purple stuffed animals...THEIR colors were matched by the computer...  "Well, I have this washcloth that's close."  I hold it up, and she replies the same.  "Could you help me find a color?" I asked ("Ask Sherwin Williams!").  She just stares at me blankly.  This was a "no" stare.  I went back to the color table and picked out a green that might work, and I gave it to her to fill in a can.

That was my Sherwin Williams experience.  

I went home and tried to paint my kitchen green.  I've never really painted before.  I mean, I've painted rooms a few times, but I think I was drunk and made a mess each time, surrounded by friends who actually COULD paint.  Here I was, sober, and on my own, armed with a bunch of blue painter's tape.  Surely I could make this happen.  

I eventually completed my kitchen wall.  It looks really good.  But this was basically a product me of me spilling paint on my tiled floor about fifty times, and frantically wiping it off with a soapy paper towel (which actually just moved the color around and didn't get rid of it...).  The green was great.  I'll post a picture of it after I complete my entire apartment.

This morning I painted the living room gold.  Again, I was not good with the paint, but again it looks great.

Halfway through the painting, I went to Target to get curtain rods and an electric drill.  My first drill!  Now I feel like a REAL les!  After several frantic phone calls to Mark, I figured out how to attach a drill bit and drill REAL HOLES!

Later today I decided to start the complex paint job in my room.  Mark recommended painting a 4-in. strip of brown, followed by a 2-in. strip of light pink below, and then followed by a wash of dark pink.  He explained that I should paint the light pink in the middle FIRST.  I could approximate where I wanted the stripe, and then I could put painters tape on that for the other stripes, and that would help give the light pink a clean edge.  Sounds easy enough, but Lindsey can't paint.  So I ended up, an two hours later, with a jagged, poorly painted pink line with pink dripping down the entire wall.  As I was painting I had my window open for ventilation.  There are a bunch of families in this complex with little kids, and kids kept walking by my window and looking in.  Now, I KNOW the kids couldn't really comprehend my painting, or the quality of my painting, but I kept getting this eerie feeling that they were judging me.  It's kind of like how no one wants the cat to watch them have sex.  I mean, the cat doesn't KNOW you're having sex, but it's creepy to have it there, watching you.  These kids watching me paint was the same creepy feeling...

When all this painting is over, I'll have to show you pictures.  I will.  Because I am an obsessed blogger who is living alone in a new city.

Cupcakes Cupcakes Cupcakes!

I was craving cupcakes BIG TIME during my visit to Portland.  I don't know why.  But because Mark and I got a little too drunk during wine country day, I never got to venture out to get cupcakes while the shops were still open.  

So, tonight I finally quenched my craving by making Peanut Butter Cup-Cup Cakes, which were my own creation.  Basically I made devils food cake bater, and while the cupcakes were baking I took them out and inserted a mini peanut butter cup in the batter.  When the cakes were done, I frosted them w/ homemade peanut butter buttercream icing (make a regular buttercream and replace half of the butter with peanut butter).  OMG THEY ARE SO GOOD!

That's all I have to say.

You should really make them.  If you don't have peanut butter cups on hand, it might work just as well to add a small dollop of peanut butter in the middle of batter during baking.  Tell me if it works.

Knitting F(r)iends!

So, my new Seattlite friend Erika introduced me to Ravelry, an online knitting community. Right now I'm grateful to Erika, and also hate her a little bit--Ravelry is my heaven, packed full of knitters and wonderful pattern ideas...but it wastes my life much more than even Facebook.

Well, I'm on Ravelry now, and have been "introduced" to my new knitting muse, this very talented Finlandian.  Her works and photography are beautiful.  She's my new best knitting friend!  She's given me an amazing scarf idea that I won't divulge until I make it myself, but I'll give her the credit for it.

On a different front, I'm packing up the apartment right now.  I move in 5/6 days (loading Thursday, driving Friday, officially moving in on Saturday).  It's really weird.  But I'm excited to make this new apartment a Lindsey Apartment!  Who knows what I'll do...

Vacay, Camp, Vacay Away!

Had a great summer vacation, which consisted of a trip to Portland to see Markie, then a trip to Seattle for Tallis Scholars camp, then back to Portland for more vacation.  And now I'm back in Columbia to finish my life here (I move in about a week).

So, trip stories.  I'll give the highlights, the abridged yet no-less humorous version.

Thursday: Fly to Portland.  Am greeted by my BFF with a game of Marco Polo in the baggage claim and a snickers bar.  Enjoy a nice pinot at a wine bar--great weather.  Snuggle in bed--really missed that.

Friday: Eat sushi on a train (the sushi was on the train, not us) and "Hike" around town to Rose Gardens and Japanese Gardens.  "Hike" was quite literally a balls-to-the-walls 45 degree angle kind of hike, which I did in a skirt.  Watched "Crash" on a projector outside.  "Crash" is dumb, and I'm the only person in the world who thinks so.

Saturday: Drive to Seattle.  Start Tallis Scholars camp.  Meet a bunch of crazies, which includes the Tallis Scholars.  SO EXCITED!

Sunday: A little worried that camp will be a bust because most people are not as good as I had hoped.  But they are dang nice and I continue to be positive.  Discovered that Seattle is a huge early music hub.  Tudor choir, cool!

Monday: Start to become suspicious of the crazy lady with her Asian daughter (Les and Lili).  Suspicions confirmed upon conversation with Mark and a few colleagues about the awkwardness of their relationship.  Singing in a small group with Big Mark and company.  Meet some amazing singers, especially Erika.  I REALLY like to sing with her.

Tuesday: My lesson with Jan Coxwell.  Goes really well.  Great advice; I really respect her.  Sing in the mass service at St. James, and the choir turns around--they sound pretty good!  Catered BBQ afterwards, and Mark and I take full advantage of the open bar.  We go out with the scholars to get a drink and I learn to love Patrick Craig.  We decide that Mark and I are Will and Grace and he and Jan are Will and Karen.  Jan is excited that she's the drunk one.

Wednesday: Free day in Seattle.  Mark and I walk to Pike's Market, then to Nordstrom Rack and buy shoes.  We huff and puff our way to Pioneer Square, and then literally run up the steepest hike back to the University for a rehearsal.  I thought I was going to die.  Very reminiscent of our hostel in Nice... But Mark was a good friend about it and waited for me every five feet when I stretched out my calves.

Thursday: Small Group Sharing Concert.  Every single person there psyched themselves out.  Our amazing small group bombed, and I'm still very sad about it.  Mark and I learned we need more mental preparation before we sing Tallis.

Friday: We heal our egos in time for the Gala concert.  But my ego suffers another blow when Jan tells me I'm sharping my high notes on her piece.  I develop a huge complex, which almost ruins my outlook on life.  Later she senses I'm freaking out and calms me down, so I performed pretty well in the concert.  At Compline, Sam and I spy on Les and Lili (as imitated below), having another awkwardly inappropriate mother-daughter moment.  We all go to the after

 party with an open bar and karaoke and Mark and I steal the show with our drunkenness.  As we always do.  

Saturday: We have an informal photo shoot with the Tallis Scholars and our friends, check-out, then eat lunch on the roof of Andrew's condo.  Mark and I go shopping for hats in Seattle, and then we all drive back so Mark can practice for his church audition.  An evening full of crappy hymns.  SERIOUSLY CRAPPY hymns.

Sunday: Mark's audition at the Unity Church.  He does great.  I sing for him at communion and lick the bread before I dip, which upsets the hippies.  Afterwards a hot Asian lesbian hits on me and wont leave me alone--I somehow get her phone number.  What am I going to with it?  Mark and I vintage shop and get crepes and eat leftover Chinese food outside while we talk about all kinds of things (namely spirituality and the absurdity that the Life Sciences Building covers up the telescope in the Astronomy department at MU).

Monday: Trip to Wine Country.  Mark and I get thoroughly drunk and buy six bottles of wine.  We stop in a McDonalds on the way back for chicken sandwiches and Will and Grace.  We go out on the town back in Portland and get lost for about an hour, then eat Italian and drink at a gay bar.  We meet a crazy gay who helps usher Mark in to the gay club scene, but also lectures Mark about devotion (the most vague and undefined word in existence).

Tuesday: The tearful goodbye.  Really tearful.  A tear-filled MAX ride to the airport, a tear-filled check-in...  Really nice :)

Were there lessons learned?  Every trip has to have lessons learned.  So here they are:

1) The only thing the Tallis Scholars love more than singing Renaissance music is getting shit-faced and singing Karaoke at shady bars.

2) The best way to get "noticed" in the music world is to be humble and talented.  No one needs to talk themselves up as much as they do.

3) Good friends are hard to find, but easy to keep (I'm sure that's on a bookmark somewhere).

Deconstructing 1340 B

Jesus, there's a lot of stuff to do to this apartment before we move.

Mark and I thought it would be an amazing idea to tack up yards and yards of fabric to the walls, even creating a border in one the rooms made out of brown fabric.  Cute, huh? 

Well, taking it down is not cute.  For the past hour I've been trying to take the fabric DOWN so I can give it back to Mark when I visit.  And there's plaster in my hair, on my face, on the couches...

And HUGE holes in the wall!  When you nail fabric to a wall, the nails go straight in.  The fabric is so thin, that the nails almost bury themselves in the wall.  So it's impossible to pull the nails out with the back of a hammer.  So I've been pulling the fabric off the walls and ceilings (yes, it was nailed to the ceiling as well) hoping that the nails will come with it.  Sometimes the nails were nailed into the ceiling at an angle, and when I pull, if it's not the perfect angle, huge chunks of the ceiling come out WITH it.  And some of the nails don't come out at all.  They're buried into the wall.  COOL.

So, you're probably saying "Lindsey, there is a better way to do it."  And my response to you is "No there's not.  I've tried all the ways.  And simply damaging the apartment to pull away the fabric is the best option.  If you disagree, come over and do it yourself.  You're welcome."

And no, mother.  I have NOT started packing.

Transitions

It's very weird and unsettling to be in a transition right now.  I'm here in Columbia, just kind of hanging out and waiting to start my new life in Bloomington.  I'm leaving in less than a month (and spending a week and a half out west) and I don't have any time to move FORWARD.  So I'm just here, wasting time until the next portion of my life starts.  It's kind of upsetting.  Mark always calls with stories about his new life and I'm so excited for him, but he's moving forward and I'm just waiting.  By myself.  It's a weird feeling.

It's like, the only emotions I have time for right now are excitement and sadness.  I'm excited about the future, but so sad about what I'm leaving behind.  

Apparently Mark is eating tofu coconut smoothies.  Who is my friend?  It's weird that he's already started a new life.  Kind of depressing for me as I sit on my ass and watch Will and Grace by myself.

But don't feel bad, readers (I'd be lucky if there were two of you).  Tonight I made a good dinner and mixed lemonade with iced tea and picked myself up.

In the Midst of this Sunshine-Breathing Earth

Sometimes I wonder why I'm going into early music, because the world of music is so vast and I love it all.  Rachel and I are going to try to get together before I leave and work up some music for fun, so I've been going through new lit recently to find the perfect rep for us.  

Would you believe that the only lieder I did in my college studies was Mahler?  A LOT of Mahler, but nothing else.  And I love Mahler, but there's so much out there.  I like Brahms, but it's not my favorite--a little too folksy.  So, I got some Strauss and went through it this evening.

What have I been missing?  Of course I know his operas, and I know his virtuosic lieder.  But there are a lot of understatedly beautiful pieces I had never heard that I can't wait to do.  "Morgen" might be of the most beautiful pieces I've ever heard and I can't wait to put it in Rachel's hands.

And tomorrow the sun will shine again

And on the path that I shall follow

It will reunite us, fortunate ones,

In the midst of this sunshine-breathing earth...

How he sets that is so fitting and perfect, and it makes me wonder if Strauss was human to write it.  Or if humans are allowed to make music so perfect...

If I had Money...

...I would buy more clothes.

I shop at Anthropologie.  I am an Anthropologie girl.  Unfortunately, my wallet is not an Anthropologie wallet.  So I am limited in what I can buy.  

Sometimes I like to go to their website and browse and pick out fake outfits for Anthropologie Lindsey.  Here are some finds:

This top with the brown skirt, tucked in:

This skirt with a tank:

This dress.  Enough said:

And this dress, for when I'm feeling crazy and kind of frumpy (which is a lot):

Filling the Void

So Mark moved out. He officially left our parking lot at 5:15 yesterday evening with a car filled to the brim with everything that "made the cut." His move was long, tedious, emotional, difficult, and wonderfully fulfilling at the same time. As a result, I was a schizophrenic mess when he left, which could only be quelled by my anti-gay-but-kind-of-gay-best-non-gay-guy-friend Neil (Neil, by the way, is NOT anti gay as in "I'm gonna kill me some gays today," but anti-gay in his "I'm obviously a top" macho-ness). We cooked, drank, ate, drank, talked, drank, played wii, and drank, all of which were very straight-gay activities that helped me deal with the passing of my gay-gay best friend.

I spent today by myself in my mess of an apartment, trashed with Mark's leftover belongings he tossed aside while packing when he realized his little Prism wouldn't hold it all. I spent much of the day wandering around and avoiding cleaning up the multitude of unorganized piles. I straightened my hair, edited my recital mp3s, discussed moving logistics with my mother, warmed up leftover salmon... And after stuffing my brain with as much Bravo reality tv as I could take, I decided to deal with the loss of my beloved gay in a 

more proactive manner.

When your best friend packs up and heads off on the Oregon Trail to pursue an unknown career on the west coast and return indefinitely, it's easy to fall into a state of zombie-like shock. But I caught myself early, dried my eyes, made a craft-run to Walmart, and watched Kathy Griffin while crafting. As this was a favorite activity for me and Markie Jean, it seemed an appropriate homage to him. Since the beginning of time, I have been stealing the book covers from the bulletin board on the top floor of Ellis Library that have ANYTHING to do with music and I have been hoarding them in my room while I wait for an idea of how to use them. I found a stack of unused picture frames Mark left behind, and an idea popped into my head--why not crop the book covers and frame them, to be used as a decoration in my Bloomington apartment! It seemed like a unique idea--framing a bunch of visually interesting covers from a bunch of boring music books. So I did it. And to up the interest, I used different frames and I'll hang them seemingly unordered.  After literally hours of cutting, rubber cementing, and centering, I ended up with 10 cropped covers and a sense of accomplishment.  

Mark would be proud.  Critical...but proud.

Realizations

I just went to Addison's with Whitney and crew. Sometimes I think I am a bit of an alcoholic, until I drink two beers and get drunk, and I realize I'm a regular consumer. So I'm a little drunk. (does that make sense? It doesn't, really... but it doesn't matter because I'm the only person who reads this)

Last week I ran a summer camp for COMP and was also the chorus master for Pirates of Penzance with the Missouri Symphony. What a week... Yesterday I sang a Bach aria from a lost cantata with members of MOS for their chamber concert. It was kind of thrilling to perform with professionals (even though I'm not happy with my performance), and it convinced me that I'm getting into the right field.

Mark is leaving next week (presumably). It's kind of weird. I'm not thinking about it. I'm not sad yet, but I'm not allowing myself to be. I imagine when it actually DOES happen that I'll be a mess. Ice cream and supportive friends welcome at this time.

Therapy takes a Hike

Have been seeing a new therapist, and we've only been together three times, but she's already helped me change my life drastically...

My last therapist beat around the bush a lot.  She was an art therapist and I would draw my feelings, and her big thing was making sure I ACCEPTED my feelings.  Which I do, and did.  But she never actually taught me how to CHANGE my feelings or DEAL with them.  So I didn't learn any life skills.  I just drew abstract pictures, lots of elephants (because I like them)...

This therapist charges a lot of money and keeps me focused.  At the end each session she gives me something to work on or think about, and each tidbit is life-changing.

Tomorrow is Ed's birthday, so we celebrated early with a trip to Hahatonka Park in the Ozarks.  It was a day full of hiking, exploring, hiking, swimming, hiking, eating, and hiking.  Really, there wasn't a LOT of hiking, but much more than I was used to.  And it was refreshing, and I'm glad we did it.  Ed is a good friend, and I imagine I'll miss him quite a bit when he's in California and I'm in Indiana...

Bludging (blog judging)

Mark's blog is boring.  I say that with love :)

Picture Blog

I got this from James:

Instructions:

1. Go to www.flickr.com

2. Type your answer to each question in the "search" box.

3. Using on the first page, pick an image.

4. Copy and paste the html into your blog.

1. What is your first name? Lindsey.  

2. What is your favorite food? A magnolia bakery cupcake.  Sweet jesus.

3. What High School did you attend? Hickman High.

4. What is your favorite color? Teal

5. Who is your favorite celebrity crush? girl: Kirsten Dunst.  She's crazy adorable.

And Gene Wilder.  You're judging.  But it's true.

6. What is your favorite drink? Champagne.  I'm a classy girl.  I like champagne with everything, especially with a little grapefruit juice, or in a martini.

7. What do you want to be when you grow up? A Tallis Scholar.

8. What do you love the most in life? Creativity.

White Trash Palace

There is this crazy white trash woman who lives across the street from us.  Now that the weather is nice, we keep our windows open all day and night...so now we can hear her screaming all day and night.  She has a huge ass and hates her life.  She's always getting in to fights with her white trash boyfriend/son and hates their three puppies. 

I was first introduced to her during the winter ice storm where her boyfriend/son tried to drive his car up an unplowed hill.  It got stuck, so she came out with a table salt shaker.  Needless to say, it didn't help.

Then one day the white trash family had a HUGE blowout.  White trash woman yelled at her boyfriend/son for two hours about...a car.  She wanted to use the car to drive to the mall, and he wanted to use it to pick up his kids from school.  To her, this was unacceptable.  Way to stand for what you believe in, white trash woman.

The white trash family used to have two dogs: Copper and some other dog (it never gets in to trouble, so she doesn't yell at it).  She hates Copper with a passion and yells at him every day, multiple times.  Obscenities and everything.

I just looked outside and found that they have a new tiny puppy.  I don't think she hates it yet.  But she will.

KC Getaway

I went to Kansas City this weekend because I needed a break, and Danny sprung it on me that he bought a new house. So off I went, and I learned that a) I want to be a cabaret singer, b) I do not want kids, and c) one shouldn't take pain killers on an empty stomach.

If you go to KC any time soon, and you have a penchant for gay cabaret (Liza, anyone?), please go to Bar Natasha (and bring a lot of money). Trust me, it's worth it. What fag or hag wouldn't have the time of their lives?

And the Decision is...

Indiana!

I just signed my acceptance letter to Indiana's Early Music Institute.

It's not New England Conservatory, which many of you thought I would do.  I thought so too. But I'm really confident that I made the right choice and I can't wait to go there!

On another note, I will officially be drunk the whole weekend.  Comps-free!

Sad Truths

Right now I'm confronted with the sad truth that I have lost my autonomy and freedom in the last few weeks of my grad degree.

This week I have my final comprehensive exam. Tomorrow (or, rather, today,in eight hours) is my choral comp, and I'm convinced it will be death. I mean, it already has. Tuesday I had to lead a silent rehearsal in Hitt Street which, contrary to popular belief, was incredibly hard and time consuming to prepare and turned out abominably. Tomorrow is the written/aural comp, and I have to turn in a take-home essay. Mine was about the development of the oratorio. From Dr. Crabb's mouth:

"Trace the path of the development of the oratorio, from Caccini to Penderecki. Include contributions of the major composers and representative works. Provide any connecting threads that might be applicable."

It seems simple enough. But then you realize the oratorio spans early Baroque to...now. And since the oratorio mimics development of music, Dr. Crabb basically asked me "Please trace the development of music.  Give examples."

So I just got back from the library and have a fairly decent representation of my intellect. The listening test tomorrow, however, will not do me justice...

So I've had all this work to do, and I'm in the middle of deciding where to go to school...a life decision...and in the middle of running a choir...and maintaining an active performing career...and working a job in the music office. And... to be frank, the job in the office just hasn't been my priority in this list. So I haven't been doing it very well or efficiently. Last week Dr. Freund got on my case, so I spent a couple of days catching up. But this week I've had zero time to sit in the office and do administrative work.  So... I haven't. And now I'm in trouble. Part of me thinks I deserve it, but most of me (the rational Lindsey) knows I SHOULDN'T be sitting in the office right now, because my life and my needs are more important. So, today was spent responding to disappointed/angry emails from Dr. Freund, and trying to figure out how to emotionally deal with the reality that I'm unable to do my job. And I'm upset and frustrated...

But my priority right now is to get a little bit of sleep, then wake up at six and learn all that I can about choral conducting and rep, then take a test at ten, and then try to survive until Friday afternoon...

The home stretch.

And just to let you know, this blog was NOT posted at 11:30 pm, like Blogger wants you to think.  It was posted at 1:50 am.

End of an Era

The final U Singers concert was Saturday, and I feel like it was the end of an era for me.

There were a few things that made me cry like a baby at the end.  First of all, it was an incredible concert. Nothing was perfect, by any means, but it was certainly one of our best. Secondly, it was my last concert with the group in six years. That's a long time. Third--we ended with "The Road Home," which would make anyone lose it...

I'm really sad that it's over. I want to make a career as a singer, but I'm still worried that I'll never be in a group like this again...

In Which the Obsessed Blogger Has a Decision to Make

I got in to New England Conservatory!!  I saw the big envelope in the mail today and freaked out big time! 

BUT now I had a decision to make between NEC and Indiana, both of which have pros and cons. Miss Todd has already recommended NEC, but I'm going to talk with Dr. Crabb because I feel he can give me a more honest opinion.

What should I do?

New England Conservatory, Jordan Hall

IU Jacobs School of Music, Auer Hall

Green Onion

Today I was bored while I was studying for comps (which are this week--thursday and friday)... So I knit a hat.
Yes. I knit a hat in one day. Don't be amazed. It was a really easy beret pattern and really chunky yarn on really big needles. But I kind of think it's really cute.
(Let's play a drinking game and drink each time I say "really)

Decide for your self. It kind of looks like a "green" onion.

Options Schmoptions

I got a new schmoption today: I got accepted to BU's Early Music Program.
I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go there, whether or not I get accepted into NEC. The reasons? a) they're not giving me any money; b) BU is not as prestigious as NEC or Indiana; c) BU doesn't really have any great early music ensembles--instead, they collaborate with Boston Baroque; d) they don't have any early music voice teachers.
BUT, it's another option. I'm not sure yet. Of course, I never visited BU when I went to Boston. Maybe I should have done that...

ps: Mark and I got accepted into the Tallis Scholar's summer program! I will FINALLY be working with Janet Coxwell, whom I have been stalking (to her knowledge) for at least a year.

Bed, Bahamas, Boston

I'm in a weird mood.
I thought I would be going to bed, but I'm not. It's three in the morning and I don't want to go to bed.
My vacation was weird. I liked it and had a really fun time, but it was stressful. One of the most amazing moments was when Mark and I were throwing our suitcases down to Ryan and Jen from the balcony of our crappy hotel because we were trying to escape without the timeshare people knowing. If you understand that, you get a gold star.
And I still haven't heard from NEC. What is taking them so long? When will I be able to make a decision about my life?
I get depressed late at night after I've been traveling...

Bravo, Wenarto. Bravo!

I love Mahler. And one of my favorite song-cycles of his is Lieder eines fahrenden Gesellen (Songs of a Wayfarer).

So, imagine my "excitement" when I found the cycle on You Tube.

Out.Of.Control.

Ah, to be blissfully unaware...

If you've made it through all four, I congratulate you. I barely made it through two.

Death to COMP

The COMP music festival is done. I think it went pretty well, and Dr Freund seemed pretty pleased. However, I just got a pissy email from Dr. Platt about how I'm dumb and a poor worker, which just pissed me off. It pissed me off enough to write a top-five countdown of the reasons why I dislike him. But I just deleted it because I thought it was immature.

A week from yesterday Mark and I will be in New York, at the Met (by the way, Peter Grimes was really good today in HD). And a week from tomorrow, we'll be in the Bahamas with Ryan and Jen. Ryan and I have professed that we will be drunk literally every second of the trip. I hope this is true. I haven't been drinking much lately. I called Mark last night to ask him to pick me up a drink on his way home, but he didn't care about me enough to indulge me.

Revelations with Derek

Life is hard.
I just had this revelation, because life has been exceedingly hard these past few days. I've learned a few things, though. One being that I need to work on communication. And the other is that I have amazing friends.
I'm sitting in the student success center, trying to work on COMP stuff, and I'm overhearing conversations with "Derek," the writing tutor, and his students. Derek has a really big earring that looks like a large sequin. I'm not trying to judge, because I think earrings are fun on guys, but this looks weird. And Derek is a little too nice. And his hair is bad. He looks a litte like a punky, chunky Nicholas Cage.
Maybe I shouldn't judge Derek too harshly. I AM wearing light grey knee socks and peacock earrings...

I have a future!

Yesterday I got an acceptance letter from Indiana's Early Music Institute. I'm so happy! So now, no matter what happens, I WILL be attending graduate school--at one of the top early music schools in the nation!

Now that I at least have a future I'm working on summer music opportunities. I know this sounds dumb, but I'm going to try to do the Tallis Scholar's Summer School. It might be hokey, but Dr. Crabb suggested it and told me he can introduce me to Peter Phillips next Saturday at the T.S. concert in Kansas City. I mean, you never know... I'm also going to audition for the Bach festival in Eugene, OR. I probably won't make that because I think it will be too competitive. But if I DO happen to make it, they pay room and board and a stipend, I think, for three weeks... 

I'm acting like I'm the master of early music, which is in NO WAY true. I just feel like I should start planning my future now that I know I won't be teaching in a junior high in a town with "R-2" in the title.